I was cleaning files out on my old PC and found this list my buddy sent me a couple years ago. Thought I would share it.
Signs that you might be a Fantasy Football Addict
You consider a big-screen T.V. and Sunday Ticket an “investment”.
You supplement your holiday budget with your winnings.
You attend 2 football games on the same day in 2 different cities.
Sunday weather reports are more relevant for 16 cities not
remotely close to your current location.
You haven’t made plans for the Labor Day weekend for the past ten
years because it would interfere with your draft.
You manage your workload around your online time.
You can simultaneously catch 4 games at once without missing a
single play by using: picture in picture, real time play-by-play, and
You sleep outside the sports bar Saturday night to be first in
line for the spot that can view the most TV’s.
Your family room is 10’x8′ and your TV is 60″ with surround sound.
You’ve ever charged out of the bathroom not completely dressed
because you heard the 10-minute ticker chime.
…and you were at someone else’s house.
You cheer for a player to do well because he is on your fantasy
team but not TOO well because he’s playing against your favorite team.
You prefer watching games on television over attending in person
because one game just isn’t enough.
Every person in your fantasy league is on speed dial.
You wake up at 5:30 am on Sunday to attend the early church service so that you can get back in time for the NFL pre-game shows.
You stay up all night Saturday night getting the latest injury
reports and weather conditions, knowing you have to get up at 5:30 am on Sunday.
You watch the end of a 42-10 game hoping your WR has 1 more catch for 3 yards.
You listen to ESPN radio when it is so scratchy and out of range
that you only understand about 1 of every 3 words, just hoping to
hear those sweet little words; (INSERT NAME HEAR) just rambled in for
his 2nd TD of the game.
You have no idea who your state senators are but can recite the
career statistics and bio of your team’s practice squad members.
Heading into Monday Night, you honestly think you’ve “still got a
chance” because you’re kicker just needs seven field goals to put you
over the top.
You offer the guy who has the #1 pick in your fantasy league your
daughter as soon as she graduates high school.
You catch yourself watching the World Cup on ESPN2 at 7:00am just
to watch the bottomline to see if any NFL team has signed a FA.
A hot girl asks “Want to live out your fantasy?” and you
reply “You’re going to trade me LT?”
You’ve done a mock draft in a noisy bar. In May.
You’re checking out the box scores of High School football games
because you want to get a step up on the competition at your 2011
When your wife comes home from shopping on a Sunday afternoon,
asks you how James is doing, and only after you reply “He just scored
again” do you realize she was asking about your infant son you were
suppose to be watching.
You remember your whole FF teams roster and statistics from the
one week you demolished your arch-rival 4 years ago, but you cannot
remember your wife’s middle name.
The only bookmarks you have saved on your home and work computers
are FF websites.
Your last paper for college proved that having a solid 6th WR is
better than having a backup kicker. This was a history course. You
got a B+ for the paper.
Week 1 in the NFL has come and gone, and you feel a greater sense
of loss then when any distant relative passes on.
When McNabb rolls out from the 1 yard line and throws a TD pass to
Reggie Brown, rather than handing off to Westbrook, you become so
enraged that you start screaming obscenities and crying.
Your first name is Barry, so you decide to take your fiancé’s
last name when you marry because it’s Sanders.
You cheer when the wide receiver gets dragged down at the 2 yard
line because your running back has an easy 6 coming up.
Someone asks you “what’s the score?” and you reply “Right now I
have 87 points, but this field goal would give me 90”.
Your desk is a wreck, your checkbook unbalanced, and your
financial statements are stuffed in a folder somewhere, yet you have
a neatly organized binder with cheat sheets, depth charts, etc.
You want your favorite NFL team to win, just as long as the
opposing WR and kicker get you 25 points.
If a time machine were to be invented, your only idea would be to
check the next season’s stats to create the perfect cheat sheet.
When you tell your family you can’t take vacations in August
(really July 15 on) due to football even though the football season
starts after Labor Day.
You have a ‘standard deviation’ column on your cheat sheet.
You cheer a team’s offense until they get to the 20 yard line,
then boo them down until their kicker gets on the field.
You spend so much time dealing misinformation when talking
football with your leaguemates that you have to write down what you
really think and put it in the safe at home.
Your whole day off is ruined because the FFtoday.com
message board is closed for maintenance.
Your buddy is moaning about his love life and says he has to
start using his head instead of following his heart, and you agree by
saying, “Yeah, gut or math”.
It’s April and your watching Sportscenter complaining ” Why do
they keep showing all this hockey and basketball and baseball … who
cares about this stuff?”
You watch the NFL draft and get mad when they don’t do a
statistical breakdown of a 7th round running back.
Your personal cheatsheets contain every offensive player in the
NFL, and you update these cheatsheets all 52 weeks of the year.
Your don’t care who wins the Super Bowl as long as your
quarterback throws for at least 300 yards and a touch, assuring your
playoff fantasy pool victory.
You turn down a job that pays $4 more/hr because you didn’t want
to miss Sunday or Monday night football. After your wife divorced
you, your buddies and you still believe you made the right decision.
You have no clue how to take care of your own lawn but you know
the soil mixture of the field your star running back is playing at
Your making breathtaking love to your beautiful wife Saturday
night and say” baby the only thing better than you is a noon
Your household budget includes FF expenses.
Given the choice between having just a vehicle or a computer,
you’re not sure which way you’d go.
You’re leaving your dynasty teams to your son in your will.
Your wife/girlfriend has ever uttered the phrase, “I’ve had it up
to *here* with FF.”
Your 11 closest friends are in the same league. It’s June and you
haven’t spoken to any of them since January.
Your wife finally connects your team’s success to your romantic
mood, and she offers to download mini-camp news from around the
league while your at work.
You call your leagues’ commissioners 6 months ahead of time to
try and set draft dates so you can plan your family vacations around
You’re more concerned that the rookie WR you covet scored a 7 on
the Wonderlic test than your kid’s 72 on his IQ test.
You’re sleeping on the couch because your wife just realized that
your wedding tape now has Raiders/Patriots game on it.
You call an Emergency Help Line because you just can’t decide
which kicker to start.
You name your dogs fantasy and champion
You make pancakes in the shape of footballs for your kids.
You get less than three hours of sleep the night before your
draft due to excitement and last minute changes with your cheat
Your wife tells you “we need to start planning for the future”,
and you tell her “Don’t worry, I’ve already started rookie draft
projections for the keeper league.”
You have calculated 32 sets of stats for every free agent – one
for each club that might sign him.
Your wife packs up the kids and heads for her mother’s July 26th
and you don’t see her again until after the Pro Bowl. And you never
You watched so much football last season, you realized that
commercial with the Dolphins fan celebrating in the Jets bar had a
different announcer calling the game depending on which network it
was being shown on.
You think Babe Ruth is a type of candy bar and the only Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar you’ve ever heard of was the RB for the Dolphins.
You negotiate a football field to be painted on the wall of the
new baby’s room; no matter what sex the child will be.
You have the chance to “grab a big bust”, and you avoid it.
You respectfully ask that the Doctor say “Hut One, Hut Two, HUT-
HUT!!” while delivering your child.
You produce cheatsheets with cells color-coded to match the
A friend stops over at Friday Night happy hour (because he knew
you’d be there) because he just signed up for a fantasy league that
drafts in a half hour. He has no cheat sheet, no magazine, nothing.
You sit down, half loaded, and produce a cheat/projection sheet and a
depth chart to 2 QBs, 3 RBs, 4 WRS, and 2 TEs deep for every team on
3×6 scraps of paper….and he WINS the league championship.
You think some of these one-liners are funny, because they hit so
close to home.
You think some of these one-liners are NOT funny, because they
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